1. |
Myrtle Beach Cougar Hunt
05:31
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Carolina, almost there.
Gonna find her, a M.I.L.F. affair.
Wing-Man's riding shotgun.
King's Highway, gonna get me some.
The Pavillion's long gone, but that's not the plan.
We are not here to work on our tan.
We're going cougar hunting in Myrtle Beach
Myrtle Beach Cougar Hunt
Myrtle Beach Cougar Hunt
We're going cougar hunting in Myrtle Beach
Cougar hunting in Myrtle Beach
At the Bowery, she bought us a drink.
Her motives were clear. No time to think.
Back to her beach house, in North Myrtle.
Things are hot now, remove her girdle.
40-years old, salt and pepper pubes.
Bare-Backin City because she tied her tubes.
<Repeat Chorus>
Hung over, time to leave again.
Checkout time's eleven, it's a quarter past ten.
Bloomers on the floor, her teeth on the night stand.
This M.I.L.F. was a G.I.L.F. Night of my life man.
Not the face your fucking, it's the fucking your facing.
When you're in Myrtle you go cougar chasing.
<Repeat Chorus>
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2. |
Do the Sexy
02:15
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Wake up world! It's time to take on the city . . .
Gotta make 'em feel good. Get down tonight.
Gotta make their toes tingle. Get down tonight.
Cause the sexy feels good.
It's understood.
Sexy's gonna get wet.
And you're gonna get wet too.
Just do the sexy.
Just do the sexy.
Sexy.
Do the sexy.
Make 'em feel good.
Do the sexy.
Do the sexy.
Feel the craze that's shaping the world.
Goosebumps on every boy and girl.
Take your lover by the hand. Get loose tonight.
See the bodies they melt.
And two become one.
The sexy falls over them.
Hypnotized by the sexy.
By the sexy.
The sexy.
<Chorus>
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3. |
Town Center Cowboy
03:48
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Got my belt buckle on.
A ten gallon hat.
Got my shit-kickers shined.
And my plaid tucked in.
Baby's belly's full with Taste of Crete.
Time to go to the show and find my seat.
Rascal Flatts is gonna kick some ass tonight.
Keith Urban opening man it's gonna be alright.
Town Center Cowboy seeing them big city lights.
Rascal Flatts is gonna kick some ass tonight.
Who needs Waylon?
And who needs Willie?
When you got Toby and you got Kenny.
Johnny Cash is kinda neat, but Taylor Swift takes me off my feet.
<Chorus>
Back to the mall.
All the gates are down.
Take 119 south to my hometown.
Got another month to be saving that green.
My baby's getting us tickets to see Jason Aldean.
<Chorus>
Town Center Cowboy.
There's a lot of them.
Every time Nashville brings another tour in.
For all the people who believe what we sang get your Daddy's shotgun and blow out your brains.
<Chorus>
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4. |
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Born in Lansing. Moved to California
From an early age he learned to put it on ya
Moved to Japan to open a dojo
A certified master, a black belt in Aikido
Done a lotta shit most of us all know
A legendary action star and now he's got his own show
Deadly with his hands, a world class charmer
Bet you fuckers didn't know
Steven Seagal's a worm farmer
Hollywood elite, even worked on James Bond
During pre-production broke Sean Connery's arm
Ton of film offers, but it had to be his way
Nico Toscani, Above the Law got made
Steven Seagal, he's got some classic flicks
Go back to the 90s, you don't have to dig
Storm in Hard to Kill, Marked for Death as Hatcher
Out for Justice like Margaret Thatcher
Bad ass cook, bitch-slapped Busey and Jones
Ryback from Under Siege then Fire Down Below
Not a one trick, also dabbles in the Blues
Two albums bare his name, The Mojo Priest rules
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5. |
DUI Weekend
03:57
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Stuck in the drunk tank again from my DUI weekend.
Hope my old lady understands about my DUI weekend.
Go in on Friday night. You won't come out till Monday's light. It's a DUI weekend.
That bottle of Cuervo belonged to my friend, but it's a DUI weekend.
That Trooper sure wouldn't bend because it's a DUI weekend.
Bail money she wouldn't send. Another DUI weekend.
Totaled car. My license suspend cause of this DUI weekend.
Black eye. Broken arm on the mend. It's a DUI weekend.
The dude in my cell has no cigarettes to lend. DUI weekend.
Another wrong I can never amend. My DUI weekend.
As hard as I try to pretend it's still a DUI weekend.
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6. |
Jack Ice Sea Monster
07:37
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Crawling from the shallows of a toxic waste spill.
He got an asshole face with a butt-hole chin.
Gills in his neck. Riverbed shit in his mouth.
Mutated from a chemical trout.
(from the) Loins of a truck stop whore and a river rat.
Fed with children's souls, used tampons, and alley cats.
Jack Ice the Sea Monster
He's such a silly bastard
Jack Ice Sea Monster
The siren hits and curfew falls.
All the living souls run and hide.
Jack Ice Sea Monster, he stalks these streets
With a double barrel shotgun and night vision goggles.
Mind boggling. He's a man eater.
Shape-shifting pole cat with an infected sore.
<Chorus>
Someone needs to kill this monster.
We need a slayer to kill this sea monster.
Someone needs to kill this monster.
Anyone to slay this sea monster.
Vomit spews from his decayed teeth.
Stalking the village for maggot festered meat.
His demon seed killed in a botched abortion.
Looking for a supple womb torture.
To carry the bastard's torch.
To keep these streets haunted with his hate.
<Chorus>
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7. |
TV Dinner Blues
03:52
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Well, I was sittin' on the couch the other day and snow started comin' down. So I turned on the radio and listened to what the man had to say. Said nobody's goin' anywhere, gonna be stuck inside. Started getting hungry. Went in the kitchen to see what we had to eat. Walked by the freezer. I open the door and pulled out the box. Started reading the directions. It made me a little blue, it said.
Microwave on high three minutes.
Return chicken to tray.
Microwave on high seven minutes.
Let it stand two minutes in the microwave.
Roommate came home after bravin' the blizzard. Smell hit 'em like a pie on a windowsill. He looked at the microwave and said, 'Man, whatayou got cookin'?'. The smell comin' outta that quick heatin' plastic box reminded him of July 17, 1996 when Uncle Charley took the blue ribbon at Rib Fest with his double honey-cloved mesquite chipotle ribs. Damn those things were good. People said they tasted like two winged-cherubs makin' love in a slow roasted honey butter. He grabbed the box and saw that it was a Hungry Man, double XL, Backyard Barbecue... just like Uncle Charley's...
Microwave on high three minutes.
Return chicken to tray.
Microwave on high seven minutes.
Let it stand two minutes in the microwave.
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8. |
Pill Daddy
06:11
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Back in the woods down a long gravel road. Here comes Pill Daddy in his El Camino. Slate-fall ruined his knees. On disability since 2003. Skinny like a chicken bone. Living in an Airstream. Powder up a pen/straw. Pill whore daydreams. Greasy like a bucket of tar in his wolf tee. Business front, party back, acid wash jeans.
I've been around the world.
Ain't nothing there to see.
Got the pills you need, girl.
Just stay home with me.
PILL DADDY. PILL DADDY. PILL DADDY.
In the palace of the Pill Daddy all the pussy purrs. Brain for an OC. Show her tittie for a Tab. He got girls strung everywhere. Bunch of Olive Oil-types. No more than 90 pounds. Each high as a kite and they don't fight. These sunk-eyed mommas are out of sight. Rode hard and hung up wet. These skanks are premo-tush. Homecoming Queen you bet. These strung out sluts got the mush.
<Chorus>
These baby's never sleep. Slide into a daze. Pill Daddy screams, 'I sold some speakers today!' Gallon bag of Zanies and a pocket full of Perks. They're gonna suck-start my Caddie cause they know I got the works. Fold up the paper. Put my fist down. Magic dust groupies with a Soul Train sound. Scrape them up in jagged lines on Kimmy's pale hip bone. Taking bumps off nipples. Oh Daddy's never alone!
<Chorus>
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9. |
2010 Census
03:04
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2010 Census.
300 million plus.
How many of you count as us?
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